If you wish to see footwear thrown, sing the song, “Shoo, Fly, Don’t Bother Me,” in front of your four year-old.
Tag Archives: Parenting Tips
Parenthood requires an honest reframing of one’s spiritual beliefs. Nirvana is reached in that brief moment when the dirty clothes hamper and clean clothes laundry basket are both empty. Nirvana is short-lived, if not unattainable.
It is wise to sort out major career, parenting, and mortality issues early on:
Me: What do you think you’ll be when you grow up?
Child (nearly four years old): A ballerina and a mama.
Me: How many children will you have?
Me: Boys and girls, or just girls.
Child: Just girls. [long pause] I will die before my children.
Child: I think I will just be a ballerina and not a mama.
Kazoos were invented by the devil, and are distributed to children by advocates of filicide.
Before reprimanding your child, it is wise to clarify her intentions:
Me: Please don’t whine at me.
Child: I wasn’t whining at you. I was yelling at you!