Wait to clean out the carseat until the food crumbs and various liquids have solidified into neat little petrified chunks. Bonus: granola bars for the kiddos! #spendthrift!
When you ask your child, “Isn’t this party the funnest?” and she says no, don’t worry that she’s not enjoying herself. She’s just waiting to correct you: “The most fun, Mama. Most fun”
Learn to recognize affection in all its forms:
“Mama, I love you. I love you just as much as I love the cats.”
Let go of trying to figure out if you are listening to Rebecca Black’s Friday ironically or in earnest, and just blame the child for making you hear it one. More. Time.
Probably any argument where your comeback is, “Oh yeah? Well you’re five years old!” is not an argument you are winning.
It may seem like a good idea, but do not teach your children logic skills:
Me: Please eat more eggs. You eat two eggs with your dad.
Child: That’s ’cause he doesn’t burn them!!