Parenting Tip of the Day:

Wise children know that quantifying things can sometimes improve the situation:

Me: I am so confused I don’t even know how confused I am!!

Child: Want me to guess?

Me: [pause] Um, sure.

Child: A trillion and a hundred!

Me: Yes!  Exactly!  How did you know?!

Parenting Tip of the Day:

Looking for new and unusual ways your child can scare the bejeebers out of you?  Buy her some new soap crayons then leave the bathroom for a minute.  Much cheaper and more time efficient than watching Amityville Horror:

 

Parenting Tip of the Day:

Image courtesy of http://www.fanpop.com/

Even if you’re an anti-Disney, anti-princess sort of mom, trying to raise a strong, independent daughter, sometimes the urge to let her play princess is irresistible:

“Mom, pretend I’m Ariel, and I listen to all your words, and I’m always helpful.”

Parenting Tip of the Day:

flying shoe does not equal shooing fly!

If you wish to see footwear thrown, sing the song, “Shoo, Fly, Don’t Bother Me,” in front of your four year-old.

Parenting Tip of the Day:

 

Always get all your ducks in a row — even (especially) when you are in a crappy place.

Parenting Tip of the Day:

Some friends are more compliant than other friends, and conversation is overrated.

Parenting Tip of the Day:

Parenthood requires an honest reframing of one’s spiritual beliefs.  Nirvana is reached in that brief moment when the dirty clothes hamper and clean clothes laundry basket are both empty.  Nirvana is short-lived, if not unattainable.

Parenting Tip of the Day:

It is wise to sort out major career, parenting, and mortality issues early on:

Me: What do you think you’ll be when you grow up?

Child (nearly four years old): A ballerina and a mama.

Me: How many children will you have?

Child: Three.

Me: Boys and girls, or just girls.

Child: Just girls. [long pause] I will die before my children.

Me: Probably.

Child: I think I will just be a ballerina and not a mama.

Parenting Tip of the Day:

Explain to your three year-old before you arrive at the party that the phrase, “party pooper,” has nothing to do with actual feces.

Parenting Tip of the Day:

Kazoos were invented by the devil, and are distributed to children by advocates of filicide.