The pretend tears that are elicited by telling a pretend story about a pretend bear that eats a pretend family at the request of a real three-and-a-half year old, last just as long, and are just as loud as the real tears that might have ensued after sharing a nonfiction story with the same plot.
Tag Archives: fiction
Francesca only dates photographers and videographers. That way, when they inevitably walk out on her, she is left with nothing but heaps of professional quality footage of herself in scenic locales. She can gaze into her own eyes for hours without ever having to look at images of the men who were on the other side of the lens. She’s never owned a camera.
When you left
A little something inside me died
I think it was an ingrown hair
On my bikini line
Now it’s infected and pus-filled and looks like herpes and no one else will sleep With me.
It seems our love will last forever
I can’t get rid of it
Even with tweezers.
You know you waited too long to potty train when the book you buy to inspire your child to use the toilet is a chapter book.
“Well, Mother, I really liked Joshua’s character development, but I feel Prudence’s motivation to use the potty is contrived at best. Further, the author’s overuse of foreshadowing betrays her lack of experience as a serious writer and reveals her to be merely a spouter of potty-training propaganda. I’d like to continue wearing diapers.”
Thanks to Andi loaning me her baby, I got to take a moment and share some important parenting tips.