If you wish to see footwear thrown, sing the song, “Shoo, Fly, Don’t Bother Me,” in front of your four year-old.
Tag Archives: advice
Parenthood requires an honest reframing of one’s spiritual beliefs. Nirvana is reached in that brief moment when the dirty clothes hamper and clean clothes laundry basket are both empty. Nirvana is short-lived, if not unattainable.
Explain to your three year-old before you arrive at the party that the phrase, “party pooper,” has nothing to do with actual feces.
Kazoos were invented by the devil, and are distributed to children by advocates of filicide.
Before reprimanding your child, it is wise to clarify her intentions:
Me: Please don’t whine at me.
Child: I wasn’t whining at you. I was yelling at you!
If you explain to your child that the reason she’s not in school is because it’s Martin Luther King, Jr’s birthday, be prepared to explain why the hell she wasn’t invited to his party. No fair!